half rain half sunshine

As I tried to run away yesterday (for a little while at least) i found myself at Bear Lake because I just needed to pretend I was at the beach and that was about as good as I could get. I feel so suffocated lately from all my thoughts and everything going on around me that when this happens I tend to just disappear for a few hours because I just can't deal with life any other way. I was swinging on a random swing and watching the water and honestly felt like nothing in the world even was going on, until the rain came. It was bright sunshine and our of the blue came a downpour. I was so upset that the rain ruined my good mood! Then it all kind of hit me, that is exactly how my life has been lately. I am absolutely happy and then as soon as something bad happens its like i completely forget about the sunshine that is still high above my head. although it was raining over me, the water still looked beautiful and had tons of sunshine all around it. I feel like there is a lot of rain right now in my life and everyone will tell you that it hasn't been the easiest for me this past week. As I try to figure out feelings and understand the why of life, I am trying so hard to not forget all the blessings that I have been given. It definitely is not the easiest to do though. Sometimes life's so confusing because there is a lot of rain and sunshine at the same time and you just get distracted by the bad timing of the rain and forget the sunshine. But why does the rain have to be so bad? The struggles make you stronger, right? But compared to the sunshine the rain is always going to terrible. So today I am thankful for the trials that I am facing because I know its going to help me become the woman I need to be. Let's just hope I don't forget this lesson I learned and let's hope I can survive the Montana wilderness this weekend. The struggle is real…