Hate the Sin

Lately I feel like politics and opinions are all the fill up my newsfeed anymore. There is something I have been itching to say, but because of the ridicule and harsh comments left by others I have continued to bite my tongue. NOT anymore! I read something the other day that made me absolutely sure that I needed to speak out a little.

While on Facebook I was scrolling down and came across something that really caught my attention. There was a quote saying "If a month ago you said gays are going to hell, then you can't say #prayfororlando" (or something of that sort). This left me with the burning desire to punch someone in the face. Then I took a step back and really thought about what the quote said. Did someone just say that because a person doesn't think being gay is right that he or she now can't pray for the families of the victims? When did opposing LGBT mean that someone becomes okay with murder?!?!

As many know I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. This is definitely not something I am ashamed to share with anyone. I personally do not think couples should be anything other than a man and a woman. Does that mean I think gay people are going to hell? NO!! Does that mean I look down upon those who choose to be in a same sex relationship? NO!! Growing up my momma always told me one thing, "Hate the sin, not the sinner". I 100% agree with that. I will never judge anyone for the things he or she chooses to do. Whether its gay, straight, chopping your hair off, coloring your hair every color of the rainbow, getting a whole body of tattoos, or telling your kids that santa isn't real, I will never judge someone for the things that he or she does. You do you.

 The Lord is the ONLY one that has the power to judge you.. and what does he do? LOVES. He loves every single one of His children. The ones who don't believe in Him, the murderers, the missionaries, the widowed, the lonely, the mentally disabled, the smartest kid in the class, and the one who never misses a Sunday at church. The Lord loves every single one of us. EVERY SINGLE ONE.

It breaks my heart to see so much hate in this world. It hurts to see a country only unite when there has been something as terrible as the Orlando Shooting. This world needs more love. Lord please bless this world, this country, and these people cause y'all know the struggle is REAL!

Finding joy

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Pk9AdVz99fM

I encourage anyone and everyone to please watch this video. 

Tonight was a hard night. The stress of school and work and life got in the way. I know it can seem like the worst of times. Much too often I find myself struggling with the same issues. I don't want to get out of bed. I don't find happiness in everything that most people do. Then I watched this video. The 444 project really opened my eyes and made me realize that I'm not alone in the issues that I suffer in. It also helped me to see that I don't have to have this issues fixed to move on each day! Many people see depression as being dramatic but I'm here to tell you, it's not. It's real. The darkness she speaks of is all too familiar to me. Josie asks people why they get out of bed in the morning. Well, i wanted to answer. Fortunately I have many reasons to do so. My family is a HUGE reason. My grandma watching over me. My dream of being a successful stylist. My dream of having an eternal family of my own. The fact that if I stay in bed I'll never get to snuggle my nephew. The list goes on and on. I also read tonight in Alma about bow we must all humble ourselves and by golly, this video did it for me. I am so thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who will never ever leave me alone to suffer. I may be stubborn and want to fix thing but I know he's ALWAYS there to take on my burdens. I am also thankful for a loving family and an  amazing boyfriend who never stops supporting me. I hope that someone reads this some day and finds the comfort that I found. You are not alone. 

One day at a time.

It is okay to cry. It's okay absolutely have a breakdown. It is okay to not have everything all figured out. It's okay to love someone with everything you have even if people think that you are crazy. It's okay to have things that you want even if it would take absolutely everything you have to make it happen. Life is going to take effort. There isn't a certain way things have to go in order for them to be perfect. It is okay to want to spend every moment you can with someone. It is okay to not be where you think you should be in life. It is okay to admit you aren't okay. Life is really hard and I feel like every single day that proves to be true. Sometimes you feel like you are doing everything in your power to do everything you are supposed to, yet you just get a big smack in the face. There are days when screaming at the top of your lungs wouldn't even begin to make things better. No matter what is going on, it is okay. I feel like I have to keep constantly telling myself this. But in the end, the flowers may not look the way you want, the date may not go as planned (or even happen), or the fairytale may not come true but the Lord has a plan and we have to just see it through. Every day my anxiety takes over and I just have to remember that everything is okay. Just one day at a time.

Actions VS words

They've always said that actions speak louder than words. Without a doubt I feel like that's true. But aren't words important, too? Communication is key to any relationship; boyfriend, best friend, mother and daughter. Doesn't matter what kind of relationship, if you don't have good communication you're doomed for failure. But what about our actions? Many times in my life I've trusted people's words and not paid attention to their actions. After the countless times I've been hurt because of that, I REFUSE to let that happen again. Every girl loves to be sweet talked and If you say you don't, you're lying. But stop letting that be the only thing that happens! You miss me? Come find me. You wanna make me feel better? Do it. You love me? Show me. You want to help me? DO IT. you can't go through life and BS your way the entire time. One day you're going to have to put a little effort behind all the sweet little things you say. It's so easy to let anyone hear whatever they want but actually backing up your word is the true test of character. I've always been the girl that likes it told to me straight. Don't sugar coat it. Tell me the truth and if you say something or promise something, back it up. Everyone is only given so much time. Better not waste it. 

Well Cared For

It is always hard trying to explain everything that is going on in your head and your heart. Well, for me it is at least. That has always been one of my weak points; finding all the right words to really explain my thoughts and feelings. Most of the time I just can't seem to hit the right spot. With decisions coming up in my life I keep getting asked that same question, "How do you feel?" That's probably the hardest question for me to answer because of who I am. I am the person that wants to make sure that everyone is happy so if explaining my feelings could make someone hurt or upset, I just get all confused on my answer. SO if that question would be asked to me right now my answer would be well cared for. Being home to see your family is one thing. You always know that no matter what your family will be there for you. That is the best thing about North Carolina for me. I feel so taken care of not only by family BUT also amazing friends. I can feel their love for me and their desire to return to be here with them. No matter what roads i've taken or how fast I come home, they are always here ready to receive me back. Isn't that exactly how our Father in Heaven feels? He wants to take care of us and help us return to him no matter how long it will take. How great it is to know that Heavenly Father knows me, my desires, and my intentions. I feel as if all along I knew that no matter what happens everything will be okay and I will be well cared for. It may not have always seemed that way due to my psychotic need to take control of situations and impatience for always wanting something to happen as soon as I know that is exactly what I want. Over the next couple months it will be my goal to avoid those two feelings. I hope that my answer for how I feel is always well cared for rather than frustrated because something that I want is not happening as fast as I would like it to. A big part of these past few months has been faith. Faith to know that  no matter what I decide, everything will be okay. Faith to know that I will receive an answer to my questions. Faith to know that that answer will lead me down where I need to go and not always where I thought I would be. Carlos A. Godoy said in the October General Conference, "The best paths in life are rarely the easiest". So over the next few months when the times may be hard and the struggle is real, I hope to remember that quote and go with faith knowing that Heavenly Father will always keep me well cared for.

Leave the past behind you!

No matter how hard you try you will never be able to rewrite your past. If you make a mistake you can be forgiven, but it will always be something that happened. Reason why? YOU LEARN FROM IT. But why would you let something happen again when it ended bad the last time?! Ex boyfriend wants to talk about things? DON'T! Let's be real, he still doesn't care. It is just convenient for him. When he has no one else, he thinks he can have you. HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE?! You can sit there with the excuses of it being fate, but it isn't. It would have worked out before. You should not have 5 times of breaking up and getting back together. If you broke up because he just doesn't think you are the one or because he isn't ready to settle down, IT ISN'T GOING TO CHANGE!! Why do girls these days think that the guy who treats them like crap is the only guy that is going to care about them ever? Don't let some guy have complete control over you, over the decisions you make, over your life! BE YOUR OWN PERSON. When you love yourself, when you are perfectly fine with being on your own, when you are close to Heavenly Father and when you communicate with him on a regular basis, THEN your Prince Charming will find you. I don't understand why girls think that having a boyfriend is the most important thing. No matter what, your exes are EX for a reason. Don't go running back to the past because there isn't someone in your life that gives you their complete attention. BE OKAY WITH BEING ALONE. at some point in everyone's life he or she will have to be alone. Use this time to become the person you want and stop trying to be what other people want you to be. If you sit there and try to be this list of things that you think every guy wants, you will never be happy with yourself. Stop caring what other people think. Stop trying to act like someone you aren't. Be independent. Read your scriptures. Pray. Go to church. (Just throwing in the Primary answers ;) ) Life will be so much better when you decide to become someone that will make yourself happy and your father in Heaven proud. END RANT. THE STRUGGLE IS REAL.

CHRISTmas

As I watch a little girl cry and cry at a local store because she couldn't get a toy right away due to the possibility of Santa bringing it to her, I started to get really hopeless. It breaks my heart to see the holiday season become more about soending the most money as opposed to spending the most time with your family. This is the first Christmas without my Nana and I would do anything for one more Christmas Eve at her house with all my family. Why do we make everything about getting or giving the best presents when His presence is the greatest gift of all? This time of year is only special if the true meaning is remembered. In a manger laid the greatest gift the world will ever know. Do we still think of our Savior as the greatest gift or is it the new iPad or iPhone that we would rather have? Luckily for me, I made my goal for the holiday season to blow up social media with pictures and videos reminding the world the real reason for the season. Heavenly Father sent his son to die for all the sins and sufferings of the world. He wants us to return to Him and has given us a way to do that. Are we using this gift or taking it for granted? I hope to never feel like I am not grateful for all my Heavenly Father and his son have done for me. If we could all take a little extra time to stop the shopping, the baking, the eating, the stressing and remember why this time of year is so wonderful, then the spirit of Christmas could be felt every day of the year. Teach all your nuggets the real meaning of Christmas so they can enjoy the season more each year and so they won't look like little brats like the little kid I saw at Walmart because no one wants that. #thestruggleisreal

Until We Meet Again

There are many things in life that are hard to deal with. Money, relationships (or lack there of), addictions, gaining weight, work, school, and so many other things all make life seem like a real struggle. What is the hardest thing about life for me? Goodbyes. Every time I have to say goodbye to my momma, I just want to burst into tears. I hate saying goodbye to my best friend, ash. The last time I saw her was June when I dropped her off at the airport. The entire way home I cried. But about a month ago I said my absolute hardest goodbye. I said goodbye to the woman who I owe so much of who I am to. I said goodbye to the sweetest, most tender and loving lady I have ever met. I said goodbye to the woman I called every single day on the phone. The voice of reason to all of my boy problems. The constant reminder to always check my blood sugars. The infinite question about if I had completed my project (project for my future husband). The cook that would made all of my favorite foods every time that I got to spend more than a couple hours at her house. The one liners that gave me abs of steel because I couldn't stop laughing at them. The most compassionate human with the ability to make you feel like you were the most beautiful person in the world. I had to say goodbye to MY Nana. There is not a person that I can think of that I love more than my nana. She gave me my amazing momma and loved me like no one else ever could. She gave me countless hours of advice on how to be an amazing mother and wife. She always told me never to worry about getting married or even having a boyfriend because as long as I had faith and did what I was supposed to do, the perfect guy would find me with no problem. I can still remember so vividly the feeling of emptiness that I felt as soon as she had passed. I am positive that my wailing could be heard throughout the entire house. I know that she is better and happy to be with my Pa again, but I still could be and am insanely sad. That woman was my heart. She was everything I want to become in life. There is not a thing I wouldn't have done for her. No doubt I would have given my life for her. There is not a minute that goes by that I don't miss her. A picture of her, Pa, and I sits on my station at school. Almost every client that sees it asks to hear about her. I tell them every time that I couldn't schedule an appointment long enough to explain how much she means to me. Just like this blog post still won't explain it enough. My Nana was always my number one fan. She always ALWAYS believed in me and never let me feel like I wasn't good enough. I still find myself grabbing my phone to call and ask for her advice on my struggle of a life. Luckily for me, I know that I will see her again. With open arms she will grab me and say, "welcome home, my little beaner. I have missed you so much." I cannot wait for the day when I will have her arms around me once more. Until then, I know that she is with me. I can feel her when her favorite Christmas songs come on. I know she is right there beside me whenever I am belting Haul out the Holly while driving around Logan where she would run around back in the day. I am forever in debt to my sweet Nana for everything she has done for me and taught me. I love her more than there are stars in the sky and grains of sand on the beaches. I know she is watching over me while I sit here in her Utah State sweatshirt and think of all the memories of us that I will never forget. Make sure any keep a good eye out for Mr Right and feel free to send him my way anytime now, Nana! I know this is not a permanent goodbye, but a see you later. Doesn't mean it still isn't hard and definitely does not mean that the struggle isn't real. Because believe me, it is.

Knowledge

People are absolutely crazy. What's even crazier is the effects they can have on us. They can make you feel things that you never thought you would. Someone can make you feel so happy when they smile at you or tell you you're beautiful. Someone can make you want to cry your eyes out because they don't agree with they way you feel about something. Someone can make you feel like you want to run away and never talk to them again. It's so hard to stay strong when people can make you feel ways you don't want to.  But what is the one weapon you need in this battle? Knowledge. If you know who you are, why let anyone make you feel otherwise? Yes. I know that I'm not perfect. I make some pretty dumb decisions and I know these past few weeks I have done a good job of proving that. But I know I'm not a bad person. No matter what people think I know who I am and what I want out of life. Having goals, knowing how to achieve them and never letting anything stop you is the best way to get back at everyone who has made you feel like you aren't the beautiful person Heavenly Father has allowed you to be. Push forward with faith and the knowledge that Heavenly Father will always pick you up when fall or when you feel like you aren't good enough. This is the best thing to remember because yall know the struggle is real. 💋

Nice try.

It always seems like when a tragic event happens in your life, everything else around it begins to crumble. I'll go ahead and tell you that basically sums up the past week. Last week at this time I was laying in bed crying over the thoughts of losing my sweet Nana. Here I am seven days later and crying over the loss of her. Don't get me wrong, I know that I'll see her again and I know that she is no longer in pain and I couldn't be happier about that. But you can't tell me that I can't be upset still. Nana was my favorite person in the world. I wanted nothing more than for her to be right beside me when I got married. I know she will be there but sadly not physically. I am just pretty dang bitter but I'm working hard not to be. But don't you love people taking advantage of the situation? People in the past using it as a reason to sit there and act like they still care. And it's even better when people use your vulnerable emotions to attempt to break you from what you know is true to make you feel better. Well guess what? You're not breaking me. While offers are tempting I know who I am. I think I'm more disappointed than anything else. Is it really that hard to just be there for someone without wanting something in return? I think it's done nothing but put people and life into perspective for me. I could not be more thankful for my goals and knowing I won't do anything to prevent me from achieving them. I am also thankful for the truly caring people I have in my life. It just goes to show you that when you think you have a plan and you've got life figured out, you're wrong! Oh how the struggle is real. 

It ain't pretty

There are somethings in life that just suck. It sucks to feel like you are being led on. It sucks to lose someone you love. It sucks to feel like you are so close to finding someone to spend the rest of your forever with only to be left standing there all alone. It sucks to feel like all your friends are getting asked out right and left and you just sit in your apartment and watch netflix. It is a hard thing to feel like the unwanted one. It is hard to sit around and wait for something to happen. I hate to be the one to complain but let's be real, everyone complains. Is it so bad to want to be with someone? No, I don't want to be with just anyone. I like having my alone time and being independent but some days more than others it just isn't my cup of tea. I feel like I constantly am searching for the one and I just want it all to stop. Why can't guys get off their lazy butts and see what is right in front of them? Why would you just want a girl who is going to play games with your head? I honestly hate when guys complain about how girls are mean when in reality we just have to protect ourselves because GIRLS ARE EMOTIONAL. Get used to it and get over it. If we like you, we want to see you. We want to spend time with you. and for the love can you stop playing mind games? You say you love communication and it is so important but you can't even send someone a text back! You sit there and tell us we are beautiful and you love to cuddle with us, but is it all true or just another lie to make it so you don't have to spend another night alone because your "dream girl" stuck you in the friend zone? Don't leave me or anyone else on "the hook" because if you do, I will not stay there for a second. I promise you honesty is the best policy. You wanna call me crazy? I call it passionate. If i like someone, I am not going to screw them over. I can't be heartless because my heart is always on my sleeve. I know one day someone will fall madly in love with all the things that I can't stand about myself but until then wouldn't it be nice if we all could just accept people for who they are? If there is someone I have my eye on then I basically have tunnel vision. So what? I don't like going out with multiple people because my emotions can't take it! I'm an all or nothing kind of person. I may try too hard sometimes, but I would rather give it everything I have then regret not taking a chance. So to whoever out there is reading this and thinking I am crazy, welcome to the mind of a woman because I promise you I am NOT the only one who thinks like this. I just am bold enough to speak my mind. #endrant #thestruggleisreal

Just because...

Just because I'm 20 doesn't mean I'm young or old. 

Just because I live in utah doesn't mean I need to get married asap. 

Just because I have a past doesn't mean that it controls my future. 

Just because I am really emotional doesn't mean that I'm crazy. 

Just because I go to cosmetology school doesn't mean I'm dumb. 

Just because I am trying to be independent doesn't mean that I like being alone. 

Just because I speak my mind doesn't mean that I'm rude. 

Just because I lack self confidence doesn't mean I don't think my life matters. 

Just because I take medicine for depression doesn't mean that I'm never happy. 

Just because I fall too easy doesn't mean that it happens all the time. 

Just because I don't like secrets doesn't mean I want everyone to know everything about my life. 

Just because I don't wanna move too fast doesn't mean I don't deserve honest communication. 

Just because I love disney doesn't mean I am immature. 

Just because I would love to find the one doesn't mean I'm marriage hungry. 

Just because I love sports doesn't mean that it's all an act for attention. 

Just because I live in leggings doesn't mean that I'm looking for attention through immodesty. 

Just because I easily shut people out doesn't mean I don't want them in my life. 

Just because I'm not the best with guys doesn't mean I deserve to always get hurt. 

Just because I'm not always hard to get doesn't mean he shouldn't put forth effort for me. 

Just because I'm not perfect doesn't mean that I'm not worth it. 

Boys Drool

So tell me why it is that every guy blames everything that goes wrong in a relationship on the girl? "girls are too emotional" "girls never know what they want""girls just are too clingy" WELL NEWS FLASH BOYS, Y'ALL ARE NOT PERFECT EITHER. It is very hard for a girl to be able to shut off her emotions for whenever it is convenient for you. And why the heck should we have to stop being who we are because you aren't man enough to handle a real girl how she is? I honestly find it quite pathetic. Majority of girls do know exactly what they want. We want something real, something that means something to you as much as it does to us. When we talk about being with just the guy or even mention settling down, boys run faster than the speed of light. How annoying is that? Welcome to reality boys. If you want to be a father one day you are going to have to settle down and get married. Unless you wanna just skip that step and start having babies, which I mean I don't judge but you may wanna reconsider that. Honestly, I blame it on the culture in the Utah bubble. JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE 18 AND NOT ENGAGED THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! and why the heck is it that I find myself believing that there is sometimes? Nothing is more frustrating to me. I am 20 flippin' years old and I should not be stressed about becoming too old and ending up with like 30 cats and living alone forever. Okay so it would probably realistically be 2 dogs BUT STILL. Why is the pressure so heavy? I don't want to be married soon. I don't want to be scared that people are going to judge me if i'm not. IT IS COMPLETELY STUPID TO BELIEVE ALL THIS. If I don't meet "the one" for like 5 years I don't care. I am waving the white flag and seriously rebelling against the idea of being married before I could even legally get into a bar. I want to finish school and travel and have fun without worrying about stupid guys. I am over boys that are too scared to give girls a chance because of the dumb M word. Why don't we all forget about getting married and ENJOY LIFE?! THE STRUGGLE IS REAL!!!

numb

Is there ever a point in time when you just stop feeling things? After so much hurt and disappointment, is it possible for someone to just not feel anything? I feel like that is what I am going through right now. There really is only so much someone can take before he or she just gets used to getting their hopes up only to be left with nothing. I personally believe that there is someone out there for everyone. I have 100 % confidence in my Heavenly Father and knowing that he will never leave me alone. Is it bad that I just honestly wanna give up? I am going to go ahead and be "that girl" and say that majority of guys are the same. Most guys around here are scared of commitment. Why? well, it is scary! What if he isn't who he says he is? The older I get I honestly get more and more scared of serious relationships. Why? because the longer you're in one, the more hurt you are going to get. NO ONE SHOULD FEEL LIKE THIS! I honestly think that I have only been in love and really loved one person in my life. It was the longest relationship I was ever in and I probably am still getting over it all. I wanna feel like that again. I want to be sad when I can spend  all my time with someone. I want him to come see me at work because it is killing him to be away from me that long. I want the passion, the love, I want something REAL. I am tired of getting hurt and getting lied to. I just feel numb. Am I ever going to find that one that makes my heart skip a beat? Is all of that even real? I am not the typical mormon girl who is just waiting to get married. I don't wanna just marry someone to get married. That is absolutely the dumbest thing I can think of. I just want someone real. I want love that will never end. I want to be absolutely certain that for the rest of my life I will be completely sure that he is the one that I will be happy spending eternity with. But what do I have right now? Numb. I can't feel hurt. I don't really get excited if someone seems interested in me because I just figure that it won't work out and i'll be crushed again. Welcome to the life of being skeptical. THE STRUGGLE IS REAL!

Ten Things Girls Wish Guys Knew

Let's be honest here, when it comes to girls we have some high expectations for our boyfriends. EVERY girl has a list of things she wants in the guy she dates and if you say you don't, you are lying. Sometimes guys don't know of these things, but sometimes girls aren't afraid of telling their bf what they want exactly (like me). But I am here to help all the guys out. Here are a few things that girls feel like every guy should know about his girl but most of the time he doesn't.

1) DON'T EVER LIE. Honestly, what is the point? 99% of girls are Facebook stalking pros. We WILL find out if you cheat, if you lie about where you are going, or if you lie about anything else. Save your breath and don't waste our time. Honesty is the best policy even if it hurts our feelings. Every girl would rather be told the truth and hurt then rather than get lied to and prolong the hurting. If you think something looks bad or slutty on us, TELL US. We would rather not look back at the pictures and regret our outfit choices.

2) STOP TELLING US NOT TO GET READY. We are females. No matter how much you tell us that we don't need to do our make up or dress up because we look so much better without it all, we will NEVER listen to you. We want to look the way we want because we want you to be able to show us off. If we are going out that night we will most likely want to take a picture and I promise you we will want to look our best. Not to mention guys if you keep telling your girls to stop caring about their hair and stuff then you will later regret it and I will be out of a job. and NO ONE wants that.

3) DON'T BLAME OUR EMOTIONS ON OUR PERIODS. This is probably one of the most annoying things in the entire world. GIRLS ARE EMOTIONAL! It doesn't mean if we cry that we are on our periods. If I get yelled at by anyone I will probably end up in tears at some point. Our periods are not something we like to be reminded of every time something happens that involves emotions. Face the facts and realize that girls are always emotional. One day when we are having your children and taking care of you when you are sick I promise you will be happy that we have so many emotions.

4) WE WILL ALWAYS LOVE DISNEY. I don't care that I am 20 years old. I will always love cuddling and watching Disney movies. Majority of girls will agree that we don't feel like sitting there watching a movie that makes us feel like we are watching a porno. It is so much better to laugh at corny disney jokes and pretend that we are princesses.

5) THE LITTLE THINGS ARE THE BEST. I don't want a guy to sit there and buy me a michael kore bag just because it is expensive. I would much rather have 5$ flowers from walmart, a Diet coke, or homemade cookies then anything else. SIMPLE IS THE BEST. Why? because it shows that you know what we like and who we are. That is way more brownie points for effort!

6) CONFIDENCE IS SEXY, COCKINESS IS NOT! Nothing is worse than a guy who is too scared to tell you anything or be himself around you. If you work out or look good in a button down, Prove it! But for the love DO NOT remind me every five minutes. I promise I will notice the things that are the best about you and will remind you as much as I can. If you are cocky don't even bother trying anything with me. I have been around way too many frat boys for you to waste my time.

7) OUR FRIENDS ARE OUR FAMILY. Family and friends are seriously the most important people in our lives. Personally, my girlfriends are my sisters. I will do anything for them and I will answer their call if I am with you and they need me. My family has my heart and if you say anything bad about either my family or friends I will be mad at you for a long time and we will always remember what you say about them. Time with them is just as important as time with you.

8) DON'T COMMENT ON HOW MUCH WE EAT. We know when we are gaining weight and we won't let it get out of hand. If we want to lay around watching netflix and eating veggie straws and M&Ms, that is what we will do. We all know guys like to eat a lot but why can't we eat a lot too? Leave us alone about what we are eating and how much unless you want the wrath of an angry hungry woman on you. Trust me, YOU DON'T. We don't expect David Beckham out of you so don't expect a Victoria's Secret model out of us.

9) WE ARE NOT PERFECT. We don't expect y'all to be perfect, so don't expect that from us. We want you to love us and respect us. We don't care if your hair is messy or you are wearing the same shirt you wore yesterday. We just want you to do the same for us. We aren't going to be able to read your mind. We aren't going to always make things easy. But we will love you and make your time with us worth it. We will give you our best and our all and that's all you can ask from us.

10) WE LOVE YOU BUT WE LOVE OURSELVES TOO. Sometimes we just need a little space. Sometimes there is not anything you can do or say that will make us happier, we just want to be alone. We may just want to get lost in grey's anatomy or How I Met Your Mother. We will always tell you when we are ready to be social again, but sometimes we just need to be left alone. We still love you. We just need a little "me" time.

More Than Just Seconds, Minutes, and Hours

Time is an interesting thing. You either feel like you have too much of it or not enough of it. You can beg Heavenly Father for more of it at times and other times you are praying that it goes faster so that you can get past whatever you are going through. They say that time heals all and I must say that to a certain extent I agree. I feel like what we should really be focusing on is the incredible gift that time is. Growing up within close driving distance of most of my family, time with them wasn't in short supply. Every sunday we would see each other at church followed by an amazing meal at my Nana and Pa's house. My favorite memories involve my cousins, siblings, and other family members surrounded in the kitchen or laying on the floor in the living room of my grandparents' house. Then we all decided to grow up and move away. Now I think I would give anything in the world for that simple thing; time. Time back in that house. Time back eating all together. Time back when no one worried as much about what was going to happen in the future because we were all so young and things were simple. I would give anything for more time with my Pa, more time with us all together, more time learning about my relatives that I never got the chance to meet, and more time laughing and loving with each member of my family. But I think that it is true that if we all would have stayed right there in Winston-Salem we may have never realized how important our time is together. Now I cherish and jump at any opportunity I have to spend with my family. With the recent suicide of Robin Williams, I feel as if I am really holding on to the loved ones I have around me. It has made me look at life differently because of how much my life is relatable. You never know what you could do for someone just by giving them your time. YOUR TIME COULD CHANGE SOMEONE'S LIFE.  I know that time is one of the greatest gifts that I have ever received or given. Time may seem like a burden when you are going through a break up or waiting for the right one to come along, but it gives you the opportunity to realize who you are and what you want to do and be. I am thankful for the struggles that I have gone through to get me to where I am. Sometimes I feel like I am wasting the precious gift of time, but I have come to realize as long as I am using the time I am given to do what I am supposed to and strive to become who I am supposed to, then I can't be waisting much. I know I am always talking about how the struggle is real and complaining about how awkward my life is, but right now I am just thankful that I have those awkward times because it makes for fun stories and a life full of laughter. I hope that anyone that reads this realizes how amazing time and life is.

Eye openers

I am a huge believer that life is a lot of the time about lessons. I feel like here lately I've done nothing but learn lessons on life. I've learned that some people are meant to be in your life but there definitely is good in goodbye. Why would you allow anyone in your life if they make you feel like you aren't good enough? I no longer will. No one in my life should tell me how to do things (except my parents...sometimes ;) ) I have also learned that it's okay to make mistakes. People should never make you feel like your life is not worth living. Unfortunately I have had some of those people in my life and I'm happy to say I'm weeding them out. When times get hard is when people show their true colors. They can help you through your problems or they can judge you because you have them. I am very thankful to say I have amazing family and few, but awesome friends that help me every single day that i struggle through. I'm also happy to say that even though I'm still single, I'm happily not willing to settle for anything less than what i deserve. While I hate reading every engagement post and opening every wedding invitation, I realize now that I haven't had anyone yet that really was the perfect guy for me. And just because I haven't found him doesn't mean i feel like I have to serve a mission to pass the time until I do. Don't get me wrong I think it's a WONDERFUL thing it's just not my thing and not meant for every girl. So I'll keep searching for mr right and enjoy the journey along the way. Oh how the struggle of a single 20 year old girl in Utah is so real. 

True colors

There honestly isn't much that bothers me but one thing I can't stand is when people are fake. I'm the most upfront and honest person you will ever meet. NOTHING bothers me more than people who say one thing and then act another way. I know I'm not perfect, but I'm real. Guys that pour their heart out then when it comes down to it they get scared and run away literally are the worst. Why is it so difficult to just be honest? Girls that change who they are for a guy's attention literally make me want to punch them in the face. I couldn't pretend to be anyone other than me no matter how hard I tried. If I say I'm going to do something or be somewhere, good Lord willing, I'll be there. I literally couldn't lie if someone paid me. But why is it okay for people to do it?? Seriously what good comes out of lying? NOTHING. I will respect anyone no matter what if they are honest with me. Lie to me once and I promise I'll never trust you again. I just don't understand why being fake is ever a better idea than being yourself. If you don't like you, change it. It's really not that hard to just stop and realize that you are good enough the way you are. If someone tells you otherwise, you don't need them in your life. Just be real, like the struggle. 

It needed to be said...

I don't understand why people have to do stupid things. Like seriously I couldn't be more frustrated right now. I HATE when people contradict themselves. When people act differently around different people I literally want to smack them in the face. Like when people wear country clothes around country friends and skater clothes around skater friends. Why is it so hard to just be yourself? Like BE UNIQUE! Why do people have to be so dumb? If your girlfriend begged you to take her dancing and you wouldn't go for her and then you go as soon as y'all break up?! Like seriously?! That's the stuff that bothers me. It's so true that when the going gets tough people show their true colors. I just don't understand why things that were such a big deal can just magically become easy over night! Nothing is more frustrating than when someone starts to do everything you wanted when y'all were together. Sometimes I feel like boys frustrate me WAY more than they should. Ugh where are all the boys that are like the ones in the books I read? Oh yeah, they're in non existent land. THE STRUGGLE IS REAL!

Time

There are a lot of questions that I have been asking lately. I feel like most of the questions begin with the word why.  WHY did this happen? WHY did this not happen? etc. well, after many weeks and many attempts to find out, I think I might finally have an answer. The answer is simply timing. There is so much going on right now and all I have to remember is that everything that is supposed to happen at the right time. I can't force anything. The best things in life happen when you least expect it and they definitely happen naturally. Anything that has to be forced will eventually break. Don't get me wrong, I am still the most impatient person that has ever lived, but I am beginning to not take the waiting periods for granted. Any moment of any day can be that spectacular moment that people dream about. I think I get this idea in my head that things will go one way at a certain time and then they end up going a completely different way or don't happen at all. Life seems to be one big struggle sometimes. Especially when you are trying to find out the whys in life. I just feel like life shouldn't be always about the whys. If you want to do something, do it. There is no better time than the present. Granted, there are somethings that you can't always do because of timing, but if you can control it, DO IT. No one should ever stop you from making a decision that will make you happy. Time may seem life a burden sometimes, but it really is nothing more than a precious gift.