Nice try.

It always seems like when a tragic event happens in your life, everything else around it begins to crumble. I'll go ahead and tell you that basically sums up the past week. Last week at this time I was laying in bed crying over the thoughts of losing my sweet Nana. Here I am seven days later and crying over the loss of her. Don't get me wrong, I know that I'll see her again and I know that she is no longer in pain and I couldn't be happier about that. But you can't tell me that I can't be upset still. Nana was my favorite person in the world. I wanted nothing more than for her to be right beside me when I got married. I know she will be there but sadly not physically. I am just pretty dang bitter but I'm working hard not to be. But don't you love people taking advantage of the situation? People in the past using it as a reason to sit there and act like they still care. And it's even better when people use your vulnerable emotions to attempt to break you from what you know is true to make you feel better. Well guess what? You're not breaking me. While offers are tempting I know who I am. I think I'm more disappointed than anything else. Is it really that hard to just be there for someone without wanting something in return? I think it's done nothing but put people and life into perspective for me. I could not be more thankful for my goals and knowing I won't do anything to prevent me from achieving them. I am also thankful for the truly caring people I have in my life. It just goes to show you that when you think you have a plan and you've got life figured out, you're wrong! Oh how the struggle is real. 

It ain't pretty

There are somethings in life that just suck. It sucks to feel like you are being led on. It sucks to lose someone you love. It sucks to feel like you are so close to finding someone to spend the rest of your forever with only to be left standing there all alone. It sucks to feel like all your friends are getting asked out right and left and you just sit in your apartment and watch netflix. It is a hard thing to feel like the unwanted one. It is hard to sit around and wait for something to happen. I hate to be the one to complain but let's be real, everyone complains. Is it so bad to want to be with someone? No, I don't want to be with just anyone. I like having my alone time and being independent but some days more than others it just isn't my cup of tea. I feel like I constantly am searching for the one and I just want it all to stop. Why can't guys get off their lazy butts and see what is right in front of them? Why would you just want a girl who is going to play games with your head? I honestly hate when guys complain about how girls are mean when in reality we just have to protect ourselves because GIRLS ARE EMOTIONAL. Get used to it and get over it. If we like you, we want to see you. We want to spend time with you. and for the love can you stop playing mind games? You say you love communication and it is so important but you can't even send someone a text back! You sit there and tell us we are beautiful and you love to cuddle with us, but is it all true or just another lie to make it so you don't have to spend another night alone because your "dream girl" stuck you in the friend zone? Don't leave me or anyone else on "the hook" because if you do, I will not stay there for a second. I promise you honesty is the best policy. You wanna call me crazy? I call it passionate. If i like someone, I am not going to screw them over. I can't be heartless because my heart is always on my sleeve. I know one day someone will fall madly in love with all the things that I can't stand about myself but until then wouldn't it be nice if we all could just accept people for who they are? If there is someone I have my eye on then I basically have tunnel vision. So what? I don't like going out with multiple people because my emotions can't take it! I'm an all or nothing kind of person. I may try too hard sometimes, but I would rather give it everything I have then regret not taking a chance. So to whoever out there is reading this and thinking I am crazy, welcome to the mind of a woman because I promise you I am NOT the only one who thinks like this. I just am bold enough to speak my mind. #endrant #thestruggleisreal

Just because...

Just because I'm 20 doesn't mean I'm young or old. 

Just because I live in utah doesn't mean I need to get married asap. 

Just because I have a past doesn't mean that it controls my future. 

Just because I am really emotional doesn't mean that I'm crazy. 

Just because I go to cosmetology school doesn't mean I'm dumb. 

Just because I am trying to be independent doesn't mean that I like being alone. 

Just because I speak my mind doesn't mean that I'm rude. 

Just because I lack self confidence doesn't mean I don't think my life matters. 

Just because I take medicine for depression doesn't mean that I'm never happy. 

Just because I fall too easy doesn't mean that it happens all the time. 

Just because I don't like secrets doesn't mean I want everyone to know everything about my life. 

Just because I don't wanna move too fast doesn't mean I don't deserve honest communication. 

Just because I love disney doesn't mean I am immature. 

Just because I would love to find the one doesn't mean I'm marriage hungry. 

Just because I love sports doesn't mean that it's all an act for attention. 

Just because I live in leggings doesn't mean that I'm looking for attention through immodesty. 

Just because I easily shut people out doesn't mean I don't want them in my life. 

Just because I'm not the best with guys doesn't mean I deserve to always get hurt. 

Just because I'm not always hard to get doesn't mean he shouldn't put forth effort for me. 

Just because I'm not perfect doesn't mean that I'm not worth it.