Starting a Revolution!

Lately I have been asking a lot of people for advice on things that are occurring in my life. They always reply with something I should change or that I should do this instead of this and feel this way instead of that way. Well I am here to bring out my southern charm and start a revolution. I am going to stop doing what people think I should do, acting how I should act to get the result that I want. How about I just be myself and if things work out, great. If not, then there is something better! Why would I change the way I am just to make someone else care about me? Thats absolutely dumb. Yes. I have tons of flaws that could use work, but isn't that what makes me who I am? I am impatient but I am learning. I speak without thinking WAY too often. I like to change the color of my hair (not drastically but just spice things up). I drive too fast and listen to my music far too loud. I complain a lot about things that I can't change and my obsession with Disney is at an all time highly unhealthy level. BUT SO WHAT?! I also care insanely more about others than myself. I find myself always thanking Heavenly Father for everything he has given me, even the trials and hard times I face. I also would do anything to make others happy before I would do something that would make me happy. So to all of you who have given me advice, thank you. Honestly. I just know that deep down I can try my best to be a better person, but I am always going to be who I am. I am going to be too emotional and cry when I am sad, happy, thankful, and just because I feel like I need to. I don't wanna be anyone else other than myself. I am glad to be who I am and act the way I do. If that is something that you don't want in your life, then I don't need you in mine. It has taken me a long time to feel this way, but when I look in the mirror I am happy with what I see looking back at me. I am so comfortable in my own skin. So this may be the only time I say this, but there isn't much of a struggle here! ;)

half rain half sunshine

As I tried to run away yesterday (for a little while at least) i found myself at Bear Lake because I just needed to pretend I was at the beach and that was about as good as I could get. I feel so suffocated lately from all my thoughts and everything going on around me that when this happens I tend to just disappear for a few hours because I just can't deal with life any other way. I was swinging on a random swing and watching the water and honestly felt like nothing in the world even was going on, until the rain came. It was bright sunshine and our of the blue came a downpour. I was so upset that the rain ruined my good mood! Then it all kind of hit me, that is exactly how my life has been lately. I am absolutely happy and then as soon as something bad happens its like i completely forget about the sunshine that is still high above my head. although it was raining over me, the water still looked beautiful and had tons of sunshine all around it. I feel like there is a lot of rain right now in my life and everyone will tell you that it hasn't been the easiest for me this past week. As I try to figure out feelings and understand the why of life, I am trying so hard to not forget all the blessings that I have been given. It definitely is not the easiest to do though. Sometimes life's so confusing because there is a lot of rain and sunshine at the same time and you just get distracted by the bad timing of the rain and forget the sunshine. But why does the rain have to be so bad? The struggles make you stronger, right? But compared to the sunshine the rain is always going to terrible. So today I am thankful for the trials that I am facing because I know its going to help me become the woman I need to be. Let's just hope I don't forget this lesson I learned and let's hope I can survive the Montana wilderness this weekend. The struggle is real…

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?

Sometimes you feel like things are too good to be true. What happens when that day comes when you realize they are? You're crushed and heart broken. You feel like everything was a lie and you feel like your world got turned upside down. (Will smith knows what I'm talking about!!!) but what if you still don't know? People tell you one thing and then things happen that completely go against everything you were told. I just want a straight answer. I just want to know what I should do and how to deal with it all. Where can I take back my offer to be a grown up and go back to being a carefree teenager that only worried about what I was going to wear and eat. I can't eat. I can't sleep. My thoughts are non stop and I think I'm going insane. The struggle is more real than it's ever been. 😞

Bumps in the Road

Sometimes life is just simply hard. Sometimes you run into poles with your car and get completely humiliated in front of a bunch of people. Sometimes you just cry for hours because you miss your family and your best friend. Sometimes you just wish someone would grab you and hold you and promise you that no matter what everything was going to be okay because you are with them and he loves you and that is all that matters. But life is never really like that is it? Life is HARD. My mother keeps constantly telling me to let it go and let The Lord take care of it. That is honestly the hardest thing I think I have ever had to do. It seems so easy just to not deal with it and know that Heavenly Father is going to take care of it. But I honestly am trying every day to be patient and let everything happen on the Lord's time. I know that I can do it, it is just a matter of how long it will take me to achieve my goal. I feel like I am constantly praying for strength and I just feel so selfish. (that is my number one pet peeve!) I feel like I need an emotional vacation and maybe a physical one too. Disney World sounds like the perfect remedy in my mind. (HINT HINT MOM!) But I don't want to be the girl who always runs away from her problems because I am honestly really good at doing that. I have been reading a book called "When You Can't Do It Alone" by Brent L. Top and I can honestly say it's what has been keeping me together. I think that I am trying so hard to be so independent because I am scared to depend on anyone else because I have been let down so many times, But what I need to realize is that Heavenly Father won't ever let me down. Placing my trust in Him and letting him take complete control of my life is so much easier said than done. But on a side note, I need a new tail light so if anyone knows a good repair shop in the Northern Utah area, holla atcha girl. Oh how the Struggle is so real. #storyofmylife

The unknown

Some people think that the unknown is the best part of life because you never know when something amazing could happen. Well tell that to all of us control freaks. There are so many questions in my life that I want an answer to but "I don't know" seems to be my only response. Those three words are like dealth to a control freak like me. Is it so bad that I like to plan in advance? That way if anything starts to go wrong I have pleanty of time to fix it. It's not so easy for me to let it all go and not care. I like to be in control and know exactly what is going on and when it's happening. But that's not always how life is, is it? Patience is a virtue and well let's be honest, I'm the most impatient person in the entire world. I base my actions on feelings so if I feel I should do it, I do.  Persistence must have taken the spot of my patience because I sure do have a lot of that. My daddy will be the first one to tell you when I have something in my head, I can't let go of the idea until it happens. I feel as if my thoughts are going to drive me, and probably everyone around me, mad! Maybe I just need a vacation... Oh how the struggle is so real.