Finding joy

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Pk9AdVz99fM

I encourage anyone and everyone to please watch this video. 

Tonight was a hard night. The stress of school and work and life got in the way. I know it can seem like the worst of times. Much too often I find myself struggling with the same issues. I don't want to get out of bed. I don't find happiness in everything that most people do. Then I watched this video. The 444 project really opened my eyes and made me realize that I'm not alone in the issues that I suffer in. It also helped me to see that I don't have to have this issues fixed to move on each day! Many people see depression as being dramatic but I'm here to tell you, it's not. It's real. The darkness she speaks of is all too familiar to me. Josie asks people why they get out of bed in the morning. Well, i wanted to answer. Fortunately I have many reasons to do so. My family is a HUGE reason. My grandma watching over me. My dream of being a successful stylist. My dream of having an eternal family of my own. The fact that if I stay in bed I'll never get to snuggle my nephew. The list goes on and on. I also read tonight in Alma about bow we must all humble ourselves and by golly, this video did it for me. I am so thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who will never ever leave me alone to suffer. I may be stubborn and want to fix thing but I know he's ALWAYS there to take on my burdens. I am also thankful for a loving family and an  amazing boyfriend who never stops supporting me. I hope that someone reads this some day and finds the comfort that I found. You are not alone. 

One day at a time.

It is okay to cry. It's okay absolutely have a breakdown. It is okay to not have everything all figured out. It's okay to love someone with everything you have even if people think that you are crazy. It's okay to have things that you want even if it would take absolutely everything you have to make it happen. Life is going to take effort. There isn't a certain way things have to go in order for them to be perfect. It is okay to want to spend every moment you can with someone. It is okay to not be where you think you should be in life. It is okay to admit you aren't okay. Life is really hard and I feel like every single day that proves to be true. Sometimes you feel like you are doing everything in your power to do everything you are supposed to, yet you just get a big smack in the face. There are days when screaming at the top of your lungs wouldn't even begin to make things better. No matter what is going on, it is okay. I feel like I have to keep constantly telling myself this. But in the end, the flowers may not look the way you want, the date may not go as planned (or even happen), or the fairytale may not come true but the Lord has a plan and we have to just see it through. Every day my anxiety takes over and I just have to remember that everything is okay. Just one day at a time.

Actions VS words

They've always said that actions speak louder than words. Without a doubt I feel like that's true. But aren't words important, too? Communication is key to any relationship; boyfriend, best friend, mother and daughter. Doesn't matter what kind of relationship, if you don't have good communication you're doomed for failure. But what about our actions? Many times in my life I've trusted people's words and not paid attention to their actions. After the countless times I've been hurt because of that, I REFUSE to let that happen again. Every girl loves to be sweet talked and If you say you don't, you're lying. But stop letting that be the only thing that happens! You miss me? Come find me. You wanna make me feel better? Do it. You love me? Show me. You want to help me? DO IT. you can't go through life and BS your way the entire time. One day you're going to have to put a little effort behind all the sweet little things you say. It's so easy to let anyone hear whatever they want but actually backing up your word is the true test of character. I've always been the girl that likes it told to me straight. Don't sugar coat it. Tell me the truth and if you say something or promise something, back it up. Everyone is only given so much time. Better not waste it. 

Well Cared For

It is always hard trying to explain everything that is going on in your head and your heart. Well, for me it is at least. That has always been one of my weak points; finding all the right words to really explain my thoughts and feelings. Most of the time I just can't seem to hit the right spot. With decisions coming up in my life I keep getting asked that same question, "How do you feel?" That's probably the hardest question for me to answer because of who I am. I am the person that wants to make sure that everyone is happy so if explaining my feelings could make someone hurt or upset, I just get all confused on my answer. SO if that question would be asked to me right now my answer would be well cared for. Being home to see your family is one thing. You always know that no matter what your family will be there for you. That is the best thing about North Carolina for me. I feel so taken care of not only by family BUT also amazing friends. I can feel their love for me and their desire to return to be here with them. No matter what roads i've taken or how fast I come home, they are always here ready to receive me back. Isn't that exactly how our Father in Heaven feels? He wants to take care of us and help us return to him no matter how long it will take. How great it is to know that Heavenly Father knows me, my desires, and my intentions. I feel as if all along I knew that no matter what happens everything will be okay and I will be well cared for. It may not have always seemed that way due to my psychotic need to take control of situations and impatience for always wanting something to happen as soon as I know that is exactly what I want. Over the next couple months it will be my goal to avoid those two feelings. I hope that my answer for how I feel is always well cared for rather than frustrated because something that I want is not happening as fast as I would like it to. A big part of these past few months has been faith. Faith to know that  no matter what I decide, everything will be okay. Faith to know that I will receive an answer to my questions. Faith to know that that answer will lead me down where I need to go and not always where I thought I would be. Carlos A. Godoy said in the October General Conference, "The best paths in life are rarely the easiest". So over the next few months when the times may be hard and the struggle is real, I hope to remember that quote and go with faith knowing that Heavenly Father will always keep me well cared for.